Psalm 139

I love perspective. I love how it teaches you, brings you peace, and clarity.

The older I get the more I realize how inadequate and flawed I am as a woman...as a person. And yet the older I get, the more okay I am with that. I see how futile and wasteful it is to strive for perfection. There is beauty in my uniqueness.....no matter how weird or different that may be.

I heard recently that people over fifty are found to be happier and less stressed than those under fifty. I think it's 'cause they've discovered the same thing that I'm slowly learning. I think that through their maturity in life, they've learned that it's more restful, more joyful, and more peaceful to love yourself as you were created, than to strive to be someone whom you were never meant to be.

At times I feel like the more perfect I become, the less I need to lean on God. Still, I strive for perfection anyway.....for myself.....for this inner image I had of what it would mean to be the perfect image of "me". What I fail to see is that if I just allow God to work in my life, submitted to Him, tilted my face upward and let Him mold me in His own time, that I would become perfectly as He intended me to be (Psalm 139). Maybe I would reside perfectly in a state of heartache for a while to learn a perfect lesson for my life......maybe I would be perfectly "antsy" and "uncomfortable" as He shifted priorities in my heart......maybe I would feel perfectly "alone" in a season of life so that He could perfect my reliance on Him, my courage, and my self-esteem.

Perspective.

Inadequacy.

Maybe what the world deems inadequate, God deems workable.

All I know is that God created me with a purpose....a vision. I want to fulfill it. In order to do that I have to be who He intended me to be -- whether or not I feel I am ready or perfect.

There is a beauty in that knowledge.....and peace knowing He finds me lovely right where I am.....because He sees the bigger picture.